Prayers of the Heart

I can’t say I’m a deeply theological person. My faith is really quite simple.

God said it. That’s it.

It’s taken a lot of time for me to get to the place where I know what God actually says. That was kinda thwarted by a rocky start in the church of my youth, but I’ve survived and grown past that. Perhaps I’ll share more about that later.

Simple faith means I will ask God questions, no matter how ridiculous they may seem. For example, doubts come to mind about the time I spend making use of social media (Facebook, Twitter). This thought came to me this past Monday afternoon. I didn’t mention it to anyone. I didn’t say anything out loud. Just the thought, “Lord, is the time I spend online fruitful for You, for Your kingdom?”

I suppose I thought about this because I was preparing to meet with our church elders on an issue.  Later that evening, this posted to my Facebook wall (where other people can post messages to you):

All I could think when I read these words was, “How did she know I needed to hear that?” and just as immediately, the thought occurred to me that she didn’t. God did. He had heard the question of my heart and gave me His answer through someone else. At just the right time.

When it comes to doing Bible studies in groups or in classes, I love ‘em. However, I am the kind of person that wants to put down the “right” answer in a workbook. Where that can be a problem is on those questions that ask for how you feel or think. Here’s my confession: I don’t usually answer those. More typically, I browse over them and move along.

I’m currently working through Believing God by Beth Moore with a group of ladies from our church. Because of my surgery I’m somewhat behind — like three weeks — so before the group met yesterday morning, I was working through a couple of days’ work. Along the way, Beth mentioned something about sometimes we make excuses for God because we don’t really have the faith to believe that He can or will come through for us.

In my book, Ramblings From the Shower, I shared these words:

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.  For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

I believe that He knew that my telling of the story would touch lives in ways that a miracle healing wouldn’t. Sometimes the miracle is in the journey of faith that we take, and that journey was summed up in a statement to my mother as we drove to pick my son up at the airport for his wedding. I told her the things I’d been feeling. I knew that as a mother, she was struggling with the possible loss of her child. I wasn’t sure how she would take my words, but I had to share.

I explained that I knew that I was healed of all cancer, but I didn’t know where I would see that, here or in Heaven.

That is my understanding of my miracle. God didn’t prompt me to not have the surgery. He led me to go through that with faith knowing that healing was mine—He just didn’t say if it would be here on Earth. It wasn’t something to take lightly, and I didn’t. It’s not easy to say to your mother that God just might choose to heal you by taking you to Heaven, but sometimes you have to just trust that God knows better than you what that other person needs to hear.

So, as I read the words of Beth Moore, I thought — “Whoa. Am I doing that, God? Am I trying to make excuses so you don’t look bad if You don’t answer my prayers affirmatively? Is my faith, my understanding wrong?”

Again, I didn’t voice that aloud. I didn’t share it with the women in the group. I simply enjoyed the fellowship and watched the video and shared prayer requests. We had a lot of them asking for healing for people we know. At least four that the only answer is a creative miracle from God.

As the leader of the group closed our time together in prayer, she mentioned those who are so ill, asking God to heal their bodies of all sickness. Then she said something that literally took my breath. She mentioned that we know that God is perfectly able to do just as she asked, and yet, just as the Israelite young men thrown into the fiery furnace had told the king — even if He doesn’t answer the way we ask, we know He is sovereign and we will glorify Him.

In light of the revelation on Monday evening, I immediately knew this word was for me. God was soothing my heart with words telling me that He indeed had given me the revelation back in 2000 when I was dealing with cancer and that He is indeed sovereign and sometimes His answer is not affirmative to our request.

So, what questions do you have? Feeling like your faith is small? Scared to make that step you’re feeling you should? Unsure what you should do next?

Go ahead. Ask Him.

Then listen. He’ll answer. Just when you least expect.

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