Hole in my Arm

So, I have a hole in my arm. 

In March of 2000, I had two ears. As of mid-April of 2000, I have 1.5 ears. Seems that melanoma tried to attack me and managed to attach to the top of my left ear. By the time I had it removed, the excision required to be sure all of the cancer was gone required a good third of my ear and one lymph node. Thankfully a special test prevented the need to take further lymph nodes. 

Now I visit the dermatologist every six months. I've had skin cancers of varying size and type removed from my arms, legs and forehead. 

While in Mobile, Alabama on a mission trip, I felt this "bump" on my left arm. It didn't itch. It didn't hurt. It was just there. I could feel it as I rubbed over my arm. The size of it felt about like a match head just under my skin. I knew I had an upcoming appointment with the doctor, so I decided to wait to see. 

Last week was that visit when the doctor called it a dermato-fibroma. That -oma means "tumor" — it just doesn't mean malignant or even anything worth being concerned about. The doctor told me I could leave it there or have it biopsied or have it fully removed, that it was my choice. 

Yesterday I went back to his office and had the tumor removed. Surgery, but done in the office. A few stitches (8) dropped in and a pressure bandage applied. A slightly weak & woozy drive home and the rest of the day spent in the recliner followed. 

Today I uncovered the site to wash and re-bandage it. Mind you, I'm looking at this via a mirror or down over my arm held up level with my shoulder. When I first looked, I thought it was grossly swollen. A second look brought the realization that while it may be swollen to a degree, what I was seeing was like the rim of a volcano. I have a hole in my arm and it hurts. 

Here's my thought at the moment: Is it worth it? Is this pain I'm in worth having the tumor removed "just in case" it's more than a dermato-fibroma? Am I trusting God? Is having this thing removed a sign of trust or the lack of it? I can't say I'm worried about the results of the biopsy of that chunk the doctor removed, I just wanted to get rid of something that might grow into something uncontrollable. 

Those words just slammed me. It's like God just reminded me that I need to be just as concerned about even the tiniest things that don't please God in my life. "I just want to get rid of something that might grow into something uncontrollable." Sin. Tumor. Same thing. 

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